There are situations where making an amend might cause more harm than good. Assess whether making amends might cause additional harm to the other person involved. For example, contacting someone you’ve harmed may exacerbate their distress, especially in severe cases like drunk driving. When making amends to someone in active addiction, safeguard your own health and recovery. This might mean delaying the amends or finding alternative ways to demonstrate your commitment to change without putting yourself at risk.
Leave out the “but” and listen
Recovery support groups and individual therapy can help you if you are struggling to make amends or accept the responses https://ecosoberhouse.com/ of others. A sponsor or therapist can help you talk through your choices, determine the best course of action for making amends, and consider how your actions may affect others as you seek to make amends. One very effective way to make amends is to go to Treatment. Through guidance, education and therapy, FHE Health can help a person begin to rebuild their relationships with self and others. Our team will work closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery.
Apologies vs. Amends
Confidential helplines, like SAMHSA’s National Helpline, offer support and referrals for those navigating addiction recovery. Continued participation in therapy and support meetings is essential for managing the challenges that arise during the amends process. These support systems ensure that individuals have the guidance and encouragement needed to navigate this challenging but rewarding aspect of recovery. Fear of confronting past actions can lead to avoiding making amends altogether. The response to amends can vary widely; some may refuse to engage, leaving the individual feeling disheartened. It’s essential to recognize that making amends involves recognizing and admitting the harm done, which can be a tough emotional hurdle.
- The different types of amends are direct, indirect, and living.
- Amends in the context of Alcoholics Anonymous are actions that demonstrate a new life in recovery.
- For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using.
- Finally, your amends script should underline the commitment to change and transformation.
- You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8.
Support Systems for The Ninth Step
The three primary types of amends are direct amends, indirect amends, and living amends. Each type serves a unique purpose in recovery and offers various methods for addressing past wrongs and demonstrating commitment to change. Step 9 centers on forgiveness and restoration, confronting past actions directly rather than avoiding them.
Many users would be better served consulting an attorney than using a do-it-yourself online form. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online forms. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service of an actual attorney. Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, are not protected by an attorney-client privilege and are instead governed by our Privacy Policy. Usage of any form or other service on our website is subject to our Terms of Use. If it has been hard for you to make amends, please know we are here for you.
- Figure out ways to improve upon them, and tell your loved ones what you’re working on to help you improve.
- This is where a 12-Step “sponsor” or even a counselor’s feedback could be helpful in checking your motivation.
- So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support.
- Stay tuned to SOBRLIFE for everything related to the journey of recovery and staying sober.
- Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor.
- Joi Honer directs the operations that support our alumni in their recovery from mental health and substance use disorders.
- Through our various sober living programs and services, our members gain the tools to reflect on their past and communicate more effectively.
- Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact on you and the people you love who are still here.
Sometimes I can listen supportively for a short period of time. Over the years, in small bits and pieces, I have been able to share small pearls of my Al-anon wisdom. You don’t have to take our word for the success of sober living in preventing relapse. Please read our success stories below, or contact our team today to talk to some of our experts. If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now.
When they didn’t follow my advice, I let them know – repeatedly. When they had the nerve to do things their own way, I reminded them that I had first suggested a better plan. I am not proud of that, but it is the reality of how I used to behave. It ranged from promising to fix something around the house to going to a family gathering. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough.
Every week we offer more resources, support, and recovery-related updates. Our articles address questions, offer support, and are dedicated to shattering the stigma around addiction and recovery. More general quotes regarding the process can still be helpful, like, “I don’t want to just say I am sorry, I want to show in my actions I am truly making amends”. Again, planning for negative outcomes when making amends living amends and discussing these plans with a sponsor or support group can provide essential emotional preparation.
But if you are dealing with guilt and grief, what is alcoholism you probably aren’t surprised that there is more to say. By confronting past mistakes, you begin to put the past behind and embrace a brighter, healthier future. Those who receive an amends see firsthand that people with use disorders can and do recover, becoming healthy, happy and productive community members. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship.